An Ungraspable Phantom

So here we are, all over again.  I get the feeling I keep saying the same things on an endless repeat. Actually, it feels worse this time.  Yeah,  I think it's worse than before.  Definitely.  But then again, I'm being more open about things, so...?  Huh.  Perhaps not.  Maybe I feel like I'm using communication about my mental state as a sort of emotional battering ram (or is that just my own sense of guilt that I should ultimately jettison before someone other than me uses it against me?), but the gain in momentum of the extremity of such statements is worrying, I suppose. As previously discussed in all shapes and forms of my writing at almost all times, I am struggling.  I mean, I am constantly struggling!  Just sometimes I'm more aware of it than not, and this is one of those times.  I don't think I've hit rock bottom entirely, but I there's a gathering sense of density, almost, as if I'm about to collide with something very ...

Hello, I'm... Well.  I have a problem. There's something about this that feels it's been a long time coming.  I have lots of problems, like everyone else, little tiny problems that happen every day.  But I have much bigger problems as well, including some that potentially could ruin kind of everything (how dramatic, I know) that I've worked at and worked on for so long, shutting potential down and pushing further into a self-made yet ever-fresh hell.  Even typing now feels almost redundant, that I should in fact just shut up and get on with things, this slowly deteriorating status quo and be happy things aren't worse.  I have traded lunatic highs and lows for the miasma of mediocrity. Huh.  Where shall we actually begin though?  Years ago,when I started self-publishing on the internet while at University, it was for personal benefit/pleasure/survival.  To say I was living in a situation that didn't agree with me would be to dredge undersea rav...

Don't let any review - including this one - lull you into a false sense of security on this one; it really is as bad as they say... I'd warn about major spoilers from the outset, but if I assume that you've seen the trailers and TV spots then there's little else to spoil (even worse than  Dark of the Moon 's trailer reveal of Prime's knuckleduster slamming through Shockwave's Decepti-kidneys.   Worse. ).  Anyway, still: SPOILERZZZZZZZZZZ So.  Ten years deep into this franchise and what do we have to show for ourselves?  At this point, nothing but a yawning abyss of madness.  Truly, the touch of the Chaos-bringer is felt. The plot (well, its trace fossil outline at least) reads thusly, as far as I can tell: Transformers have been coming to and from Earth for millennia, and are inextricably linked with all Human history.  Why?  (This question does get answered... in a way?  I guess?)  Following the end of the last film, Optimus Prime i...

O Dive custos – Elegy on the Death of Queen Mary O dive custos auriacae domus Et spes labantis certior imperi; O rebus adversis vocande, O superum decus in secundis! Seu te fluentem pronus ad Isida In vota fervens Oxonidum chorus, Seu te precantur, quos remoti Unda lavat properata Cami, Descende caelo non ita creditas Visurus aedes praesidiis tuis, Descende visurus penates Caesaris, et penetrale sacrum. Maria musis flebilis occidit, Maria, gentis deliciae brevis; O flete Mariam! flete, Camoenae! O flete, Divae, dea moriente. O God, guardian of the House of Orange, and surer hope of fleeting power, O you who should be invoked in adversity, O divine ornament in prosperity – whether the eager choir of Oxford by the river Isis calls on you in prayer of they who are washed by the swift stream of the distant Cam – come down from heaven to visit with your help the palace not thus entruste...

Marvel's latest and greatest cinematic effort finally gives us something to chew on: meaningful [spoilers] I'm not sure if the hype is real.  Is his really the greatest spectacle movie  ever ?  Or is it the greatest  contender  for the greatest spectacle movie  ever ?  Let's get to it. Picking up a little after the end of the first  Guardians  film (Baby Groot is no longer reliant on his pot, but is still tiny and freezes when Drax looks at him in the opening setpiece), we find our titular heroes engaged by a society of body paint enthusiasts to defend a  blue screen  platform from an "interdimensional creature hellbent on starting the plot".  Just how do they do so much against blue screens?  I'd corpse immediately, but I suppose that's why I'm an office clerk and not a professional actor; there's a scene later in the film where our heroes stare in wonderment at at the extra-terrestrial baroque decor of their surroundin...

Well, it's been a little while now, three weeks or so?  So much for "It's Tuesday so I must write". It struck me that one of the problems that developed with my previous effort, to the point that it became the neck-bound millstone that sunk it, was the unending dourness, like I'd tried to effect some gritty reboot and just lost the point.  I mean, there are some difficult truths that I have to grasp and deal with which I choose to discuss online as a means of cathartic release, but it's easy to get into a dead end, and then it's very difficult for me to escape that gravitational pull.  I should  be doing more writing (just like I should  keep my room tidy, I guess...), and this is supposed to be part of it. Another problem is the wide range of tone... But I should just get on with it, I suppose.  I can't exactly post my beautiful programme notes alongside thinly-veiled rants against the idiocracy of office life after all, so eventually I'll set...

Hello again everyone, and thanks for tuning it to another episode of bad mental health management! Write what you know.  What you live, what you can relate to, and what your truth is!  Right?  Right?!  Huh.  I don't know, I sometimes feel like I'm flogging a dead horse sometimes with posts like these, but you know, it's Tuesday and I need to write something.  I think what I'd like to focus on this morning is being afraid .  Obviously this is some kind post about anxiety.  I have that (what seems to me) standard high-functioning autism problem to be afflicted by mental health problems but have the wherewithal to see that it isn't entirely rational some or even most of the time, like some kind of intellectual fortitude to know a priori that it's okay and I can leave the house and make a valid contribution to the socio-economic position I have in my working life and be okay and manage... While in fact, my actual experience is feeling completely tra...